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  • Perspective: Accepting myself – and my sons

    As I sit and ponder my life heading into Father’s Day, I realize how blessed I feel. I have a wonderful family

    Prior to coming into the Renascent house 22 years ago, and subsequently joining AA, my life was ravaged by alcoholism. I lived to drink and I drank to live.

    I suffered and my family suffered. I had no concept of reality.

    By working the steps and burying myself in the AA program, I gradually became more able to live life on life’s terms, feel and experience my feelings, and be okay with who I am.

    Of course, I have experienced many challenges along the way. I had a deep-seated feeling of abandonment and my people-pleasing instincts have blocked my path at just about every turn. But I have ultimately taken great strides in those areas.

    I am far from perfect but I am learning to accept myself for who I am, and I am often at peace, knowing that I’m right where I’m supposed to be at this moment. And it’s all okay.

    But this is certainly a family disease. My actions and my disease have had an effect on my children, two of whom have found their way into recovery. One very recently.

    My relationship with my sons was very different back when I was drinking. I wanted them to be what I wanted them to be. I couldn’t accept myself and my failings, and therefore I couldn’t accept them.

    Recovery has changed all that. I’m all about acceptance today. I’m okay with me and I’m okay with their choices. I know that if I leave my sons in the hands of God and AA, they will be very well taken care of.

    My eldest son has over 13 years clean and sober now. He has fashioned a life for himself that is beautiful!

    My youngest son is still finding his way and my job is to pray for him and leave him in God’s hands.

    How blessed I am that the program of recovery is there for them. And, perhaps, for their children.

     

    About the Authors

    Renascent Alumni
    Members of Renascent's alumni community carry the message by sharing their experiences and perspectives on addiction and recovery. To contribute your alumni perspective, please email alumni@renascent.ca.