Christine, Renascent Alumna
Step 8 seemed terrifying when I began my journey. I knew I had done a lot of harm, but I hadn’t been willing to look at it too closely. I entered Renascent a completely broken woman who was willing to do anything for my recovery. I made a commitment to my sponsor when we started the steps that I would remain willing to go to any length. But the fear was still there. I was told that we weren’t there yet and I didn’t need to think about it.
I found as I went through steps one to seven, big changes started happening in me and the way I was reacting to life. I was able to see how resentful I had been, and was able to see the truth in how I had been viewing myself. I was also able to see how much fear had been guiding my life! When I sat down to write the list of people I had harmed I was reminded of the phrase in “How it Works” that begs us to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I knew that I was starting to experience freedom, and I didn’t want to go back to the way I had been living.
With that willingness in mind and the strength of my Higher Power, I made my list. I found that having it all put on paper made it seem much more manageable! There were people there who had done me much more harm than I had done to them, but I was directed not to play out how the amends would go and just to keep to the facts of what I had done. I also had significant financial amends to make, which seemed very scary.
Being willing and writing with humility made walking through Step 8 so much easier. After I was able to start making my amends and the rest of the steps, my whole outlook on life really did change. Things I had done which had haunted me were truly in the past, and I was able to get on the right path in all areas of my life. I’m so glad I had the guidance of a good sponsor, and that of my Higher Power, because with that willingness I today have a life of which I truly could not have even imagined previously. I also know I need to remain willing today, and that I have made this decision to live this way no matter what is happening in my life.
It’s worth it and so are you.