A note on language. At Renascent, we help people recover from substance use addiction and integrate 12-Step facilitation into our programming. We recognize that the substances our clients are recovering from and the 12-Step groups they connect with may vary. Throughout our website you may see general terms relating to the 12 Steps as we are inclusive of all recovery programs, including AA, CA, and OA.
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”
Involving deep reflection and honest self-assessment, Step 8 continues to build on all the previous seven steps in the program and prepares you to keep moving forward in your recovery.
It’s taken a lot of hard work to get to this step – don’t forget to take a moment to recognize all that you have confronted and worked through to arrive here.
What is Step 8 in AA?
In Step 8, you are asked to make a list of all the people in your life that you have harmed and to be willing to apologize and right those wrongs. In this way, Step 8 builds on the work you did in Step 4 to look inward and gain an understanding of the effects of your behaviour on yourself and others.
Specifically, Step 8 asks you to begin the work of repairing the relationships that have been damaged by your addiction. By thinking about and writing out each person’s name and the harm you may have caused them, you are taking accountability and a big step towards healing and recovery.
This step, however, is not where you make any actual apologies – that work happens next, in Step 9. For now, you just need to ask yourself, your higher power or your trusted sponsor for the strength and clarity to make your list and for the sincere willingness to one day make amends.
How to make a list in Step 8
Creating a list in Step 8 involves asking yourself: 1) Who have I harmed? and 2) How have I harmed them? To do this, you might have to dig deep into your memory or talk it over with your sponsor or a trusted support person, so that you can identify who you want to include and why.
When you make your list, it can include any people in your life from inside or outside your inner circle, such as family, friends, or colleagues. Your list can also be from any point in time – before, during, or after your active addiction.
Similarly, you can think about the emotional, physical, or financial impacts you have had on people, and the impacts you choose to list can be big or small. What matters is that you are willing to identify, and take responsibility for, actions or behaviours that might have negatively affected someone else and damaged your relationship with them.
Renascent alumni Jomana A. shares in this post that it can be helpful to break down the names on your list into subgroups of who you need to immediately make amends to versus those that can wait. At the same time, you can also make a note about anyone you are not willing to make amends with, which is work and reflection that will help you when you get to Step 9.
You can also consider putting yourself on your list. An important part of recovery is thinking about how you can apologize to and forgive yourself for the impact of your past actions on your own life.
Why Step 8 is important to recovery
Addiction can damage our relationships at home, at work, and with our closest friends. Working through Step 8 and preparing for Step 9 is a critical part of taking responsibility and sincerely apologizing for our past behaviours so that reconciliation and repair can occur.
Admitting and accepting our role in causing people harm, and writing out those names and past behaviours, requires honesty and humility, work that you did in Step 7. Using these tools, you will gain a deeper understanding of the impact of your addiction and achieve a level of self-awareness to foster personal growth and real change.
Making a list and becoming willing to make amends also lightens the burden of feeling guilt and shame, a crucial part of lasting recovery. With the empathy and compassion you will gain from reflecting on who you have harmed and how, you will also have a new foundation and perspective for building healthier, more supportive relationships moving forward.
If you’re struggling with Step 8
Step 8 can sometimes seem daunting or challenging, especially at the beginning of your recovery. It can help to remember that you have done a lot of hard work on accountability in all the previous steps, work that has prepared you for Step 8 and the rest of your recovery.
It’s also important to be patient and kind with yourself and to take the time you need for an honest reflection and inventory. As Renascent alumna, Christine, talks about in her post on Step 8, it’s normal to be worried about the feelings that might come up when making your list or thinking about making amends with people. Talking about your worries with your sponsor, counsellor, or trusted support people can help manage these feelings.
Some people also question if an apology is enough to repair the harm they have caused to people on their list. But, a sincere apology can go a long way to rebuilding a relationship, and even more importantly, taking stock of who needs an apology is an essential step along your healing journey.
And lastly, if you find you are struggling with the idea of contacting a person on your list because it will either do them or yourself more harm, that’s okay too. Don’t feel discouraged by this reality – Step 8 is more about the work of acknowledging to yourself the impact of your past behaviors, and less about trying to change anyone else.
As Renascent alumni Jack says in his post on Step 8: “It was as though several large weights had been lifted off me and I felt noticeably better about myself. I felt lighter and purer. I had a really intense feeling of knowing that I was going to make it to Step 12 and completing Step 8 was a great moment in my recovery journey.”
Making the most of Step 8
It can be difficult to make an inventory of people who were hurt by our addiction, but this work prepares us for Step 9 when we will approach them to make our sincere amends. Indeed, this willingness to be humble, open and honest lies at the very heart of the entire 12-Step program and your lasting recovery.
As you work through your list in Step 8, be patient and take all the time you need to honestly assess the relationships in your life that have been damaged by addiction. Spending this time to genuinely reflect on how your actions have affected others will develop your empathy, compassion, and understanding to improve how you relate to others.
Talking with a sponsor, counsellor, or a trusted support person can help you navigate any difficult emotions that come up in this step, while also helping you clarify who and what needs to be on your list, so the process feels more manageable. Making every effort to actually write it all out, either on paper or in a note on your phone or computer, will also make the work in this step more concrete and sincere.
And as you focus on your genuine willingness to make amends, don’t forget to also have compassion for yourself. While it’s essential to acknowledge the harm caused to others in Step 8, it’s also important to consider yourself. Be sure to recognize that you are taking a positive step towards healing with this step and all the work you have already done. Returning to your list now and again, and reflecting on your relationships and priorities, will always serve as a record of how much effort you have made and your commitment to your recovery.
How Renascent helps
At Renascent, we offer comprehensive, person-centred addiction treatment programs in safe, caring environments. We use up-to-date, evidence-based approaches to treat addiction, including abstinence-based treatment that integrates 12-Step facilitation with modern clinical and medical best practices, and the highest-quality standards of care.
Renascent deeply understands the unique individual journey that is necessary for your recovery. We are here to support you and guide you to define what your recovery means to you. Your Road to Recovery starts here.
About the Authors
Renascent Staff
The staff at Renascent is passionate about helping people with substance addictions so they can reach their full recovery – with compassion, respect, empathy, and understanding. Our staff includes our counsellors, all of whom have lived experience of addiction and recovery.
