If you’re following 12-Step recovery, you’ve probably heard many people suggest that you need to get a sponsor. It’s actually a pillar of recovery if you’re in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous, or any of the 12-step Recovery groups. But why do you need to get a sponsor?
A sponsor is someone who has completed the 12-steps, made progress in their recovery, and shares their experience with people who desire sobriety. Having a sponsor is an integral part of your ongoing growth and progress in recovery.
In this blog post, we answer some of the common questions people have about getting a sponsor.
What is the purpose of having a sponsor?
A sponsor’s main purpose is to carry the message of recovery, lead their sponsee through the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and for the sponsee to take the steps. A good sponsor will be a source of constant, close support throughout your sobriety journey.
How to choose a sponsor?
Select someone with more than a year of recovery, and is a part of the recovery group you are a member of. For example: AA, NA, OA, etc. This person doesn’t necessarily need to have a similar background and interests or even belong to the same homegroup as you. 12-step experience does suggest that your sponsor be of the same sex. 12-step groups also suggest that a sponsor-sponsee relationship should not occur with two romantically involved people. A potential sponsor should be one who has gone through the book, the steps, and also has a sponsor. Connect with potential sponsors by meeting with them and talking about what the expectations are in the sponsor/sponsee relationship.
“Finding a sponsor that’s right for you is so important. To find mine, I went to countless meetings and really listened until I found someone whose story resonated with me. I hoped to find someone who also had kids, and whose struggles were similar to mine; when I did, I approached him and asked if he would work with me. Fortunately, he agreed,” shared Dan, Renascent Alumni.
For how long do I need to have a sponsor?
Regardless of how long you’ve been sober, it is suggested that you always have a sponsor. As individual recovery changes over time, sponsors can change as well, but try to have only one recovery sponsor at a time.
What makes a good sponsor?
Each sponsor has their own individual approach to sponsorship.
A sponsor is someone who has:
- Sobriety: They have a significant amount of sobriety time and personal experience in the program, have gone through the book, and have completed the 12-Steps at least once.
- Availability: They are available and willing to dedicate time to support their sponsee.
- Empathy and Understanding: They show genuine empathy and understanding of the challenges faced by someone new to sobriety.
- Honesty: They are honest and direct, providing clear guidance without judgment.
- Good Listener: They listen allowing the sponsee to share openly.
- Positive Role Model: Do you ‘want what they have?’ Do they live a life that reflects the principles of the program and can serve as a positive role model?
- Commitment to Anonymity: They respect the confidentiality of their sponsee.
A good sponsor helps navigate the 12-Steps, offers emotional support, and encourages personal growth and accountability.
“When I think about my sponsor, the words ‘tough love’ come to mind. At first it was a bit scary, but working with someone who doesn’t take any nonsense has been the absolute best thing for me. It’s a trait I now try to emulate in working with my own sponsees, because sugarcoating things doesn’t make them better.
I’m not qualified as a counsellor, but as a sponsor I care deeply and give lots of tough love. I’m here to show people what I’ve learned and help them relate to the Big Book, so they can find their own recovery,” shared Emily, Renascent Alumni.
What’s your responsibility as a sponsee?
A sponsee should be:
- Curious: By asking questions we are able to learn from other people’s experiences and insights.
- Willingness to Learn: Being open to the guidance and advice of their sponsor.
- Honesty: Communicating openly and honestly with their sponsor about their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
- Commitment: Actively participating in meetings and working through the 12-Steps.
- Accountability: Taking responsibility for their actions and progress in recovery.
- Respect: Showing respect for their sponsor’s time and boundaries.
- Follow-Through: Completing tasks and assignments given by the sponsor.
Renascent Alumni, Dustin says, “Sponsorship has played a crucial role in my recovery journey. Initially, I felt uncomfortable seeking a sponsor, asking another person for help can be challenging for someone new in Recovery. But I soon realized the importance of finding someone who had successfully navigated the 12 Steps. My sponsor has been a source of hope, direction, and guidance, consistently referring me back to the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, the program itself, and a higher power. I continue to learn from my sponsor’s example and encouragement. Through the years we have forged a special connection that’s second to none. One thing I’m extremely grateful for is that he took time to explain what the program was and what the program wasn’t. A super important aspect of 12-Step recovery. My Sponsor passed on to me what was given to him and impressed upon me the importance of doing the same with others which may be the best part of Recovery!”
For more details on being a sponsor and receiving sponsorship, visit the AA website.
