Do you find you have habits that are counterproductive? If so, you may be self-sabotaging your efforts and progress. Self-sabotage is a destructive behaviour that can lead to chronic struggles in recovery. It can strip people of their motivation and contribute to feelings of anxiety. Many self-sabotaging behaviour can be stemmed from fear.
Have you ever noticed that when we try to make ourselves do something that isn’t congruent with our beliefs or values, we feel out of balance? Self-sabotaging behaviors are connected to the psychological discomfort we feel when faced with internal contradictions, called cognitive dissonance.
Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Some easy-to-identify examples of self-sabotaging behaviour include procrastination, perfectionism, self-medication, and lack of moderation.
Procrastination
People who self-sabotage often delay doing the “thing” or “things” they need to.That’s likely driven by a fear of disappointing others, failing, or even succeeding.
Perfectionism
Holding yourself to an impossible standard often causes delays and setbacks. While initially it may seem like a positive strategy to demand perfection of yourself, perfectionism hampers success. We’re all human and it is common to feel let down when our impossibly high standards are not met. Unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others is an example of how perfectionism can lead to self-sabotage.
Self-Medication
There are many reasons why we may choose to self-medicate, and often it is because of some internal discord. There are many ways that we may self-medicate, including drugs, alcohol, food, as well as other substances and processes (shopping, gambling, etc.).
Moderation
Sometimes we struggle with moderation and setting boundaries for ourselves and others. Examples of this harmful behaviour includes people-pleasing or other subtle ways of “overdoing it,” such as staying up later than you should to watch TV.
Stopping the Self-Sabotage
12-Step Work
Oftentimes, through the process of 12-Step work (with a sponsor), patterns of behaviour are revealed. The Steps are meant to be worked in order, and by the time behavioural patterns start to are worked on, a solid foundation of trust and recovery has been established.
Examine the Root Causes
Look for patterns in your life. Are there things that you are repeatedly doing that are derailing your good efforts? If so, looking at what those activities are and exploring the deeper reason behind why they are occurring can be helpful. Oftentimes, the ‘root cause’ stems from fear.
Stop Procrastinating
Stop delaying in doing the things that are important to you. If you take that next step, you may be surprised by the momentum it builds. Additionally, since peer influence or social factors can influence procrastination, it’s important to consider if those are impacting your lack of action.
Stop Looking Solely at the Big or Small Picture
That saying about not being able to see the forest from the trees holds true. To prevent acts of self-sabotage, don’t get hung up on minutiae, wasting time on unimportant details. Conversely, do not only focus on the big picture as sometimes that can seem overwhelming. Focus instead on the gift of, “one day at a time.”
Stop Perfectionistic Thinking
Maybe you overthink every detail, and everything has to be just right. Instead strive for progress, not perfection. Make small improvements and make note of your progress along the way to keep you focused on how far you’ve come. .
Consider Therapy
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) uses techniques that help you replace negative thought patterns and improve your overall well-being.
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) works well on problems that involve intense emotions, including impulsive behaviours, impulse control, and difficulties getting along with others.
