“I was a closet drinker,” Dan says. “I can’t express how strange it is to look at photographs of the 15 years prior to recovery and know that in every single one of them, I was drunk by the end of that day.”
While he had successfully hidden his addiction from his family for years, the turning point came in 2018 as his wife prepared to entertain. “My in-laws were coming over, and my wife had put a bottle of vodka in the freezer,” he recalls.
“When she went to retrieve it, she found it frozen. I had replaced all the vodka with water.”
Unable to deny reality, Dan nonetheless struggled.
“I knew I had a problem, but I just didn’t want to stop drinking,” he shares. “However, my wife and in-laws were determined I was going to get help. I was so fortunate they were willing to invest in my recovery through Renascent.”
When he arrived, he says, “there were no phones, there was no access … it was just me, the lessons and my thoughts. It was terrifying.
On the second day, someone asked me what I was going to work on to maintain sobriety,” he says. “I wrote in my journal ‘I’m going to work to shed myself of the skepticism of what is possible.’ Up until that moment, I’m not sure I really believed recovery was possible for me.”
As he saw people graduate over the course of the program, “I started to think, ‘I want what that guy’s got,’” he says, “and I decided it was time to release myself of this sort of way of being, this way of thinking. I stopped thinking that I was going to know what was best. I stopped thinking my worldview was the right worldview. And I listened a lot. I heard many speakers whose stories, to this day, have not left my mind.”
Upon graduation, Dan says, “it was important to me not to give up. Graduation is where the real work starts.” He found a sponsor, regularly attended meetings, worked with young people in his community and met with a study group that worked through the Steps together.
“It’s not just about how I feel I’ve been slighted, or how I feel someone else has done me wrong,” he asserts. “The real revelation is in understanding that those ‘things’ are a direct result of the decisions (or lack thereof) I’ve made in my life. That’s difficult for some people, but the truth is that only you can change yourself. No one is going to drag you into recovery; if you want it, you must do the steps wholeheartedly.”
Having done just that, he’s determined to protect his recovery at all costs.
“I live a much quieter life now,” Dan says, “and if I’m ever tempted to drink, I play the tape in my head. I know how this story ends – one beer today means two next weekend, then six, then I’m right back into it.”
Sharing his journey has been interesting, he notes.
“People want to hear the ‘war stories,’ the times when the alcohol had control,” Dan reflects, “but what’s more important is the action I took that changed my life for the better, both in treatment and after graduation. The truth is, the ‘good stuff’ only comes after doing the work. That’s absolutely essential both while in Renascent and, much more importantly, after one leaves.”
For Dan, the “good stuff” has been well worth the struggle.
“My relationship with my wife has strengthened tenfold; my kids are proud of me now; my career prospects improved; I got a better job,” he says. “I’ve lost weight, saved money and inspired my friends to reconsider their drinking.
I believe I was given opportunities to set the course straight in my life, and by virtue of that I’m blessed.
I took the lessons of Renascent with me, and those are what have stuck after six years.”
