Chris grew up bouncing between foster homes and time with his mother and grandparents. “I never felt like I was part of anything real—always on the outside, looking in,” he recalls. His childhood was marked by a pervading sense that the people in his life would leave, and from an early age Chris struggled to form genuine connections with family or friends.
When he finally did start establishing friendships, Chris says, he was willing to do anything to fit in – even if it meant engaging in negative behaviours.
“I wasn’t a ‘bad’ kid,” he explains. “I just thought that if I acted the way people wanted, I’d finally fit in.” This desire to conform, however, led him down a dark path. By high school, he found himself skipping classes and spending his time in bars and pool halls, where confident, charismatic drug dealers became role models. At 19, Chris was drinking and regularly using drugs – and within a month of trying cocaine, he says, “everything changed. I lost my job, lost my place to live, and started couch surfing. I thought I was still functional because I wasn’t living on the streets, but really I was just moving from one ‘rock bottom’ to another.”
The next 20 years saw Chris sinking deeper into addiction. He experienced homelessness and lived in shelters, for some periods even sleeping in abandoned cars or stairwells. As undiagnosed depression and anxiety became unbearable he decided to seek help, but was reluctant to fully commit. “I wasn’t ready to be honest with myself,” he notes. “Deep down, I wasn’t willing to do the work. The addiction just kept getting worse.”
Chris sought treatment several times, and at one point was abstinent for nearly a year. “I felt like I was finally getting my life back on track,” he recalls. “But ten days short of a year’s sobriety, I convinced myself I could have ‘just one drink’ without any consequences.
That drink lasted a year and a half, and it was the worst period of my life.”
His wake-up call came in early 2023, when a friend confronted him about his addiction. “She told me I was going to die if I didn’t stop, and I knew she was right,” he says. Upon learning he’d been placed on a months-long waitlist for treatment, however, “I truly hit the bottom,” he says. “I used heavily that night, and the next morning I prayed for the first time in my life. I asked for one more chance at recovery. And then I tried to take my life.”
Fortunately a neighbour found him, and Chris was rushed to the hospital. His recovery there was followed by detox, a pretreatment program – and an inpatient stay at Renascent.
Upon being introduced to the 12 Steps, “I knew this was exactly what I needed,” Chris says. “In my previous attempts at recovery, there was no mention of the Steps or of the Big Book. Renascent has taught me so much, not only about the disease but also about myself. My counsellors taught me how to connect with God, which was the missing piece.”
Now more than 18 months into recovery, Chris continues to draw strength from his fellowship with others, his sponsor and the counsellors he’s met on his journey. A full-time student, he’s active in the recovery community, speaks regularly about his experiences, volunteers and is committed to working the 12 Steps.
“I’ve also gotten help to heal past traumas,” he shares, including those he endured in childhood. Speaking from the heart to anyone who is struggling, he offers three pieces of wisdom:
“It’s not your fault. Forgive yourself. And never give up hope.”
