“I drank, but I never thought I had a problem,” Cary says. He admits he ignored the warning signs for years, like never being able to call it a night when others did.
“When I started drinking, I just couldn’t stop,” he reflects. “It didn’t matter what time of day or night it was — I was going to find a place to have a few more drinks before I came home.”
Outwardly, Cary seemed like the life of the party. But behind closed doors, things were different.
“When I got home, it was like a switch flipped,” he says. “I became irritable and verbally abusive. I took out my frustration on those I loved the most.”
The first wake-up call came when his ex-wife’s father confronted him and said he needed help.
“Still, I didn’t listen,” he says. “Instead, I blamed everyone else. I always played the victim when I was drinking.”
It was a pattern he carried into his next relationship, and his drinking continued. So did the consequences: after driving his daughter home while under the influence, his partner called him out.
“She was so angry,” he remembers. “She told me I had a problem and that I couldn’t do this on my own. I responded that I was strong and didn’t need help.”
But as his addiction deepened, the cracks widened. His partner insisted on counselling, and one of his daughters wrote a heartbreaking letter urging him to take ownership of his behaviour and the pain he was causing. Cary entered counselling and managed to stop drinking for a while. But when he relapsed, his partner asked him to leave.
“I spent the first night in a hotel,” he recalls, “and when I woke up the next morning, I just knew, for the first time, that I needed help. I took time off work and spoke to my sister, who told me about a friend whose life had been changed by Renascent. I told her to dial the phone.”
While waiting for treatment his relationship ended. “It really sunk in then,” he says. “I had to fix me.”
Cary credits Renascent’s Virtual Intensive Treatment Program with giving him the foundation he needed.
“My time with Renascent helped me figure things out in many ways,” he shares. “It gave me the tools: how to create a prevention plan, keep my feelings open, communicate better.” It also helped him return to therapy – but with a different mindset.
“After Renascent, I was able to really break down barriers and be open with my therapist,” he says. “We got in-depth about things from my past I had carried but never addressed. It’s literally felt like 1,000 pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.”
Today, Cary enjoys life again and is focused on rebuilding trust with his partner and children, whom he cites as his inspiration in recovery.
“I now have a team,” he says, explaining he relies on his family, therapist, chiropractor, and the AA meetings taking place around the world at any given time.
“This journey has taught me a lot,” he reflects. “But most of all, it’s shown me that real strength isn’t about going it alone. It’s about being willing to take ownership and change.”
