By Kaeli, Renascent Alumni
Step 4 calls us to make “a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Many people find this difficult, but in a way I felt that I’d already gone through this so many times; after all, I already believed all the negative things about me.
Prior to recovery, my addiction had impacted every part of my life, including my relationships and my children – but when I was charged with driving under the influence with my son in the car, I really felt things start to unravel. I had already felt so worthless for so long, but after that it was hard to imagine I could be redeemed.
My sponsor, however, helped me to see Step 4 in a more productive light. She explained that while I may have done and been these negative things while in active addiction, in recovery the true me is all the positive aspects of who I am. In recovery, I am the “real” Kaeli – and while an inventory of my past is an important part of the process, it no longer defines who I am.
I found this so empowering – it allowed me to see myself for who I am today, not who I was then. My sponsor showed me how to look at my defects and to let go of the resentment they created. For me, that was the best part of Step 4.
