My name is Stefano, and I am an alcoholic, addict. With the help of Renascent I got clean and sober June 7, 2015. With God and AA by my side I have stayed that way; I am blessed.
First, above all, I would like to thank Renascent for asking me to write on Step 10, “Continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
Before I begin, I want to say that it is really important to do all the steps in the order that they appear. The first time I did the steps I saw something in the Big Book on Step 11 that encouraged all alcoholic addicts to embrace other program and spiritual literature, beyond approved AA literature. This led me to explore a book called Mindfulness and The Twelve Steps written by Therese Jacobs-Stewart. In this book, Therese provides Mindfulness practices, exercises for each step.
Ther Naikan Practice is an Eastern Japanese practice of how to do Step 10. In Naikan, we reflect on three questions.
- What did I receive from the day, person, or situation?
- What did I give to the day, person or situation?
- What difficulties did I intentionally or unintentionally cause myself or others in the day, person or situation?
Answering these questions in this order is cathartic and all encompassing. A day is not all one way, I usually receive gifts from it, I usually provide gifts to the day and sometimes I intentionally or unintentionally create challenges for myself or others. Answering the first two questions allows me to become open-minded to look for where I create challenges. The types of things I look at when answering the third question is:
- Was I in resentment?
- Was I self-centered?
- Was I in fear or self-pity mode?
- Did I harm anyone?
It’s everything that the Big Book asks us to look at. I have at times during step studies shared my Step 10 with other like-minded people. My Sponsor is one of these like-minded people. The beauty of doing a Step 10 is that I get to see whether I need to promptly make amends for something that I did or did not do. This way I don’t accumulate a whole bunch of amends that will only present after a rigorous Step 4 and 5. I think of it this way, Steps 1 through 9 are the all the hard work I did to build a stone masonry home. If I do zero maintenance to the home it will deteriorate and collapse. If I maintain the stone masonry home it will thrive and nurture me. Step 10 is exactly that.
To illustrate this, I will present a real-life example from my life.
- What did I receive from the last 24 hours?
- I received great sunshine, and an opportunity to do fast pace walks in the sunshine.
- I received an opportunity to take a Step 5 from out-of-town sponsee who came to Toronto; he is staying with me.
- I received much love and attention from my cats.
- What did I give in the last 24 hours?
- I went and did all the grocery shopping for the weekend. I welcomed my out-of-town Sponsee and offered hospitality for the weekend while we prepare for Step 5 today.
- I cooked a nice moussaka dinner for my partner and Sponsee last night.
- What difficulties did I intentionally or unintentionally create for myself or others in the last 24 hours?
- I overextended myself with commitments. This includes double booking me and being late with writing this article. This placed Renascent in the position to follow up with me on the article.
- I have a minor resentment regarding a service commitment because I feel the commitment is not being delivered in a way that will carry the message to all.
This present-day illustration shows me, that I need to promptly amend my delivery on commitments such that I am prompt, and do not overcommit and under deliver. I can see that I also need to immediately defer to group conscious for the service commitment.
By doing the Step 10 work I am immediately able to see the error of my ways. And change. And if it’s anything I have learned in my program, it’s that change is the name of the game.
With love and respect, I close.
Stefano
