By Evan, Renascent Alumni
Step 3: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
I didn’t grow up particularly religious, but I didn’t have a problem with religion, either. Still, Step 3—which calls us to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the God of our understanding – was tough for me.
I was a very depressed person while in recovery; in fact, I didn’t want to live most days. Despite having been given loving, supportive parents and wonderful opportunities, I struggled to turn my will over to a being that kept forcing me to wake up in a world I hated.
When I explained this to my sponsor, he told me I was right. Why would I want to hand over my power to this other being? But then he asked me to consider where doing things “my way” had gotten me so far. Clearly, my way wasn’t working – so what was the harm in trying, even if it felt like pretending at the time, to have a relationship with a higher power?
My sponsor suggested I approach people at the meeting we were in and ask them to share the three most important factors in their recovery. I asked ten people I respected, all of whom were living the life I wanted. Pretty much all of them said a loving relationship with a higher power was the key, and they affirmed for me that this power didn’t have to look any particular way. I just needed to acknowledge that there’s something larger than me.
Today I fully accept that there’s a higher power, but even now some days are harder than others. I can’t understand why bad things happen in this world, and I’ve had to accept that maybe I’ll never know.
While I can’t explain everything, I do know this: I feel better when I have a relationship with a loving power than when I don’t. That’s what Step 3 has taught me.
