By Adrian P., Renascent Alumni
I love Step 2.
In Step 2 we, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.”
To really unpack that Step, we have to start with Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
I used to think that Step 1 was all about admitting our powerlessness. But there’s much more to it. It’s also a Step that’s centred around acceptance.
For many years I knew I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, but I was also in denial. I didn’t want to accept that I was an alcoholic and an addict. Since I didn’t want to accept my reality, I couldn’t really surrender and as a result, I couldn’t truly apply Step 2 to my life. How can I believe in “a Power greater than myself” if I cannot surrender?
I did the step-work many times before coming to this reality. I spent many years repeating a cycle of becoming clean for six months, then I’d take my will back (undoing Step 3) because I’d start thinking I’m God and I don’t need God because I can abstain and recover by myself. Eventually, I’d go back to my old behaviours.
I’ve been to multiple treatment centres, had multiple relapses. At Renascent, during my intake a staff member helped me come to a realization about acceptance. Page 417 in the Big Book unpacks acceptance. In that meeting, I was able to throw in the towel and fully grasp what I needed to do to be able to fully reap the benefits of the 12 Steps.
Yes, I admit that I am powerless and my life is unmanageable when I use and drink; but if I don’t accept that I am an alcoholic and addict, and that I will always be, then how can I believe that something greater than myself can restore me to sanity? My twisted thinking will always tell me that I can control my drinking and drugging, despite the fact that the evidence shows that’s not the case.
A lot of us relapse because we don’t want to accept that we’re an alcoholic or an addict. That’s one of the key reasons why I kept going back out. I didn’t want to accept that’s who I am.
For me acceptance was the hardest thing.
For the newcomers, I encourage you to keep an open mind.