Adrian’s Perspective: Step 2

By Adrian P., Renascent Alumni

I love Step 2.

In Step 2 we, Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.”

To really unpack that Step, we have to start with Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

I used to think that Step 1 was all about admitting our powerlessness. But there’s much more to it. It’s also a Step that’s centred around acceptance.

For many years I knew I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, but I was also in denial. I didn’t want to accept that I was an alcoholic and an addict. Since I didn’t want to accept my reality, I couldn’t really surrender and as a result, I couldn’t truly apply Step 2 to my life. How can I believe in “a Power greater than myself” if I cannot surrender?

I did the step-work many times before coming to this reality. I spent many years repeating a cycle of becoming clean for six months, then I’d take my will back (undoing Step 3) because I’d start thinking I’m God and I don’t need God because I can abstain and recover by myself. Eventually, I’d go back to my old behaviours.

I’ve been to multiple treatment centres, had multiple relapses. At Renascent, during my intake a staff member helped me come to a realization about acceptance. Page 417 in the Big Book unpacks acceptance. In that meeting, I was able to throw in the towel and fully grasp what I needed to do to be able to fully reap the benefits of the 12 Steps.

Yes, I admit that I am powerless and my life is unmanageable when I use and drink; but if I don’t accept that I am an alcoholic and addict, and that I will always be, then how can I believe that something greater than myself can restore me to sanity? My twisted thinking will always tell me that I can control my drinking and drugging, despite the fact that the evidence shows that’s not the case.

A lot of us relapse because we don’t want to accept that we’re an alcoholic or an addict. That’s one of the key reasons why I kept going back out. I didn’t want to accept that’s who I am.

For me acceptance was the hardest thing.

For the newcomers, I encourage you to keep an open mind.

About the Authors

Alumni
Members of Renascent's alumni community carry the message by sharing their experiences and perspectives on addiction and recovery. To contribute your alumni perspective, please email alumni@renascent.ca.