Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Making amends brought relief. It was part of the program, and I knew it was something I needed to do.

But it was awful.

I knew I had to make amends to my husband and my children for things I had done while I was drinking. My husband was the most difficult, because he was the one who had to deal with so much during that period of my life.

I was ashamed. I knew the person I had become – angry and bitter – wasn’t who I really was. Facing the people I had hurt meant facing that part of myself, too.

Step 9 taught me about taking responsibility for my actions, but recovery has also taught me something else: I can take responsibility for my own life. For a long time, I was very dependent on my husband. Through treatment, I learned that being independent and being there for myself are important, too.

I still use what I learned at Renascent when challenges come up. Sometimes I’ll stop and think twice about what I’m doing or how I’m responding. I’ll ask myself, “What did I learn in treatment that can help me with this?”

That has changed a lot for me.

Making amends didn’t erase what happened, and it didn’t make the discomfort disappear. But it helped me take responsibility for my past instead of hiding from it.

For me, Step 9 is about being willing to face what I’ve done, repair what I can, and use what I’ve learned to make different choices going forward.