By Bo M., Renascent Alumni

Such a roller coaster emotions some days being sober, should I feel comfortable? I don’t, last year I felt suicidal, this year I might do something different, like talking to God more, I’m feeling frustrated, I need to quit the disturbance in my head, demons in position like a sniper unpatiently waiting for that slip, to kill their prey! 

I’ve seen despair & hate, 
mentally locked behind bars of no fate, 
I danced with the devil, 
receiving nothing but hatred on another next level, 
lowest of al lows God I’ve lost my soul, 
all alone feeling nothing but exposed,
it was me that made the pickup,
it was me that made the drop off,
it was me that made this addiction an incurable disease, 
Lord forgive me higher power God please, 
set me free it’s not a want it’s a need, 
I the addict it’s a routine, 
it’s been a bad habit ever since sixteen 
losing my mind nightmares in my dreams.
I get triggered and that’s the reality, 
regretting it, that would just be blasphemy, but sometimes I can’t help it, 
it’s something that I have to deal with, 
that addict mind, even a peaceful places those demons still lurk, 
feeding off you when you feel bad broken or hurt, 
I’ll stand in my resilience no matter what they say,
I was so close to death, that was the price I had to pay, 
so I raise my hands to the sky, 
in remembrance to the most high, 
whose powers and might cannot compare or quantify,
it is me that has to live with no regrets
it is me that has to ask God to remove all these Character defects
it’s me that has to fully surrender do the work, and live the 12 steps.