A note on language. At Renascent, we help people recover from substance use addiction and integrate 12-Step facilitation into our programming. We recognize that the substances our clients are recovering from and the 12-Step groups they connect with may vary. Throughout our website you may see general terms relating to the 12 Steps as we are inclusive of all recovery programs, including AA, CA, and OA.
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
Step 9 is action-focused and helps you thoughtfully and responsibly address past wrongs. Like every previous step in the program, Step 9 continues to build on the work you have already done and prepares you to continue moving forward through your recovery and the remaining three steps.
What is Step 9 in AA?
Step 9 involves making direct amends to people, if possible, who have been harmed by your addiction – the people on your Step 8 list. As you prepare for the work of this step, you’ll need to carefully reflect on your list and decide if and how best to approach each person to avoid causing them – or yourself – any more pain.
In other words, Step 9 is about taking responsibility for your actions in a concrete way. Through your efforts to actively repair damaged relationships, you are demonstrating your commitment to change and long-term recovery. So while many people say that Step 9 is one of the hardest steps to work, it is also one of the most rewarding, as it sets you on a path to healthier relationships built on trust, accountability, and integrity.
What are direct amends?
An amend is more than an apology; it’s an action that makes a situation better. Step 9 asks you to make direct amends so that you are making real changes that will improve your relationships and your life overall. This is often the very opposite of how we behave when we are in active addiction, and thus the reason Step 9 is such a powerful part of long-term recovery.
Usually, people make direct amends in-person, but it can also be on the phone, through text or email, or through a written letter. The action you take will depend entirely on each person, how you think they have been harmed, and how you think you can best offer them a sincere apology and demonstrate your willingness to make things right.
A direct and sincere amend also means giving careful thought to what you want or need to say, and how to do it in a way that doesn’t cause additional harm. This requires courage and humility, tools you worked on in Step 7, so that you can listen openly and without defensiveness to people’s feelings and responses. If possible, a direct amend can also involve making things right: offering to repay borrowed money or items, placing damaged property, or even just making up for lost time.
When considering how you’ll approach your amends, it’s important to remember that action that leads to real change is less about the apology itself and more about demonstrating your commitment to healing your relationships and the ongoing process of recovery.
Why do we need to make amends?
Making amends is a part of any healthy relationship, not just those damaged by addiction. When you make a sincere effort to make amends, you build trust and mutual compassion with your loved ones, as well as develop a deeper capacity for self-reflection and personal accountability.
In recovery, making things right with each person on your list can also bring you emotional peace and lead to a sense of closure. And by promoting forgiveness and understanding with the people in your life, Step 9 can also reduce the anxiety and depression associated with unresolved conflicts and guilt, contributing to a more fulfilling, lifelong recovery.
Handling the emotions that come with Step 9
Step 9 can be intimidating, even overwhelming, as you start to think about confronting the mistakes and harms caused by your addiction. It’s completely normal to feel nervous or anxious about approaching this step, and many people say they feared how people on their list were going to react.
In her post on Step 9, Karen says: “Step 9 became a great fear of mine, and all the damage I had done to others started to weigh on me. My sponsor worked with me through the process, and over the years, I have been able to make amends to those I have harmed. It is not an overnight process.” It takes courage and vulnerability to live with the uncertainty of how other people will respond to admitting our faults and asking for forgiveness, but overcoming those feelings and being accountable in our relationships will serve you throughout your entire life.
And as Michael describes in his post about Step 9, when the time comes to apologize, it doesn’t matter if the people on your list are willing or not to forgive you, or even accept your amend and begin rebuilding a relationship. What’s truly important is the effort you have made, and that you can respect the other person’s feelings and boundaries.
Through the work of Step 9, you will experience the most benefit from the reflection involved in examining your relationships and the willingness to confront your past. Like all steps in the program, Step 9 is really about your own growth and healing.
When direct amends are not possible
When someone doesn’t want to accept your amend, or when you aren’t willing to make amends with a certain person on your list, that gives you a lot to reflect on and think about, which is equally important work towards your recovery.
And if contacting someone might be triggering for you, or lead to more harm or pain for them, then direct contact may not be possible or advisable. In that case, you could write a letter to that person expressing your sincere apology and acknowledgment of the harm caused. You don’t even have to send the letter – sometimes, just writing it all out can be what helps. You can also consider making indirect amends, like doing something positive in their honour, trying prayer or meditation, or talking your amends through with a sponsor or trusted support person.
Above all, Step 9 teaches us that we often need to be patient and just leave the door open for future reconciliation, a big part of learning to accept that we cannot control all the outcomes.
Moving forward with Step 9
Despite the challenging work, Step 9 is an incredibly rewarding and significant milestone in the 12-Step program. Learning to make real change and follow through on your intentions with more action than words will become part of a new and stronger foundation for all your relationships moving forward.
How Renascent helps
At Renascent, we offer comprehensive person-centred addiction treatment programs in safe, caring environments. We use up-to-date, evidence-based approaches to treat addiction, including abstinence-based treatment that integrates 12-Step facilitation with modern clinical and medical best practices, and the highest quality standards of care.
Renascent deeply understands the unique individual journey that is necessary for your recovery. We are here to support you and guide you to define what your recovery means to you. Your Road to Recovery starts here.
About the Authors
Renascent Staff
The staff at Renascent is passionate about helping people with substance addictions so they can reach their full recovery – with compassion, respect, empathy and understanding. Our staff includes our counsellors, all of whom have lived experience of addiction and recovery.
