I dated the exact same man from the time I was 17 until I was 38 – except every two years or so he would have a different name. I became a chameleon, becoming who and what I thought he needed me to be. My choices in men were directly proportional to my level of self-esteem.
On this Valentine’s Day, if you are in a relationship, if you are in love, enjoy it. It is a wonderful feeling. Just don’t expect it to stay the same. If you are alone, don’t judge yourself and beat yourself up. Be kind and compassionate with yourself.
Most people who come into a recovery program really get frustrated by the fact that nobody wants them to date in early recovery. And there’s a really good reason for that: there is something really intoxicating about a new relationship.
What is emotional sobriety? It’s the ability to live in balance. It’s the ability to regulate strong emotions. Sometimes it can feel like excitement to live in the extremes, but those people who have achieved some level of balance recognize that it’s a much happier, more peaceful way to live. Something very mysterious and beautiful happens. You go deeper. You live in the present. You live in yourself.
I am now able to ask myself when I find myself spiraling into states of being that are painful: Do you want to keep feeling depressed? Or do you want to feel ____? And then I have a choice. I can choose to listen to music that feeds the pain, or music that switches it up and places me in a different state of mind and being.
you spend most time trying to figure out
why you can never figure out
just what you’re trying to figure out
spend more time living
An uplifting and peaceful song to bring us some calm and perhaps some questions about how we’re living. A great example of the power of music!
Negative or critical voices can interfere with you feeling good about yourself – or feeling good at all. Sometimes those critical voices become so loud that they’re all you can hear – and you miss out on your beauty, your growth, and all the wonderful things you’re doing. But there is a way to lessen the intensity of those critical voices, and to find some relief.
A lot of times critical voices are under the surface. They’ll pop up whenever we’re risking taking genuine, authentic action in the world. As soon as you step out of the box, just even a little bit – boom! There it is: “Who said you can do that?”
I had to learn that it was okay to tell someone that I was feeling crappy. That I felt like drinking. That I hated myself. That I didn’t like anyone in the room. That life sucked. And guess what? The earth kept revolving. No one died.
Then he really got my attention. He told me that recovery wasn’t just about abstinence – although that was a necessary start. It was about learning how to have spiritual experiences using healthy methods. He said I could learn how to deal with the fear and aloneness that had dogged me all my life.